I have a very firmly held belief that if I can remember wearing something the first time, I am too old to wear it the second time. This makes me a fully paid up member of the fashion police.
I cannot honestly say I am a particularly stylish person. I am definitely not a fashionable person. I am not a shape that’s ever been fashionable (even in my ultra thin period, I wasn’t fashionable. Because then, curves were the *in* thing, of course. Thin with curves.) I like to wear clothes that fit me well, that are slightly tailored. I like clothes that have a shape, and accentuate the positives of *my* shape. I like suits and button shirts for work; and jeans and t-shirts for play.
I have just spent five or so years being fat, pregnant or both. I am finally neither. I am still in need of work, but that’s what the gym is for. So I am excited; I am a decent shape, I am of a size where I can shop in the normal sized shops, I haven’t really bought clothes in – well, five years. I no longer have to scruffle around in the fat chick sizes looking for something that is decently made, actually designed for a larger person and made in a decent fabric.
Credit card in hand, I hit the shops. And they hit back! Then I look around me… and see what people are actually wearing. And wonder if they’re wearing those clothes because that’s all there is? What makes someone think they look great in something that doesn’t look all that appealing on a store mannequin? Or are they truly wearing them because they like them?
Surely not!
Smocks don’t look good on anyone. If you’re not pregnant, you look it. And whilst some people don’t mind looking pregnant… I DO! Smocks are not attractive garments. It wasn’t that long ago when smocks were for pregnant women to hide their bumps. Remember Princess Dianna and the horrendous outfits she wore? There was outrage, there should be pride! Pregnant women should display their curves and humps with joy. So fashion dictated that pregnant women can look stylish whilst being comfortable at the same time.
According to the fashionista’s – smocks are the most uber fabulous of all fabulous garments – they skim over unsightly bulges and make everyone look all slinky and delightful because you know, wearing oversized clothes totally does make you look thinner.
So what’s happened to all the smock makers from twenty years ago? Have they been lurking in back rooms, secretly plotting and planning the revival of the smock? Have they been collecting the most appalling and hideous prints and the most unattractive fabrics that are guaranteed to start pilling within two hours of wearing the garment? Has some hideously fat muumuu wearing fashion designer decided that they can finally get their revenge?
Smock in psychedelic paisley, lace trimmed leggings (and I remember wearing them in the 80’s), gigantic sunglasses (circa Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis after a really big night out) and thongs. Mmm mmm.
This is fashion.
This is fashion that looks lousy on 20 somethings. I’m a 40 something. And I have NOTHING to wear.
